On being humbled.

The posts have been swirling in my head. So much to share and so little time in which to share it.

On Monday the post that swirled was regarding how over the last couple of weeks, I really felt our family was being attacked physically. The week before I had passed out (a whole blog post in itself) and hit my head on a wall on the way down. I also injured my back. I had to take a couple of days off of work due to that fun event. Then after months of no activity on the asthma front, Goob’s chest started to hurt Sunday night. It was due to him running non-stop all day in the heat, but it was a rude awakening that this is no longer something we can ignore and pretend he doesn’t have. It affects him. It affects us.

So back to Monday. I start cleaning up the apartment and needed to bring things into the attic and also bring things down. I went to move a heavy tupperware box from one spot to another and when I went to put it down…all h-e-double hockey sticks broke loose. I started SCREAMING, enough that from the attic I woke up a sleeping Goob (who NEVER naps anymore so that’s how you know he was sick) and sent hubby up the attic stairs running. Rehashing it over a blog post is not going to do it any justice, so let’s just say there was more screaming. Ivan couldn’t even touch me for the first few minutes. I just wailed and sobbed like I hadn’t ever had to before.

Finally Ivan got me to lie (lay? I still get that confused) on my side and sent Goob scrambling for a pillow for my head. It is a wood attic floor after all. Ivan wanted to call for help and I insisted he shouldn’t. (I once had to pay for an ambulance. That is NOT fun and not in our budget.) What was funny, in hindsight, of course was us not knowing how in the world I was going to get down.

Also worthy to note was the attic was about 187 degrees so sweat is just dripping down our faces. All of a sudden I started to panic and saw my imminent death from heat exhaustion if I stayed one moment longer. So I did what any sane person would do and told Ivan I was going to scream my way down the ladder. And so I did.

I made it down and laid on our hallway floor. Ivan still wanted to call someone and I still insisted he shouldn’t. He called his brother who had a similar experience to see what he should do. His brother confirmed that going to the ER was not going to do much. Ivan ran to the store to get pain medication and some patches for my back.

When he came back I screamed my way again from the hallway floor to our bed. That day into the next was the worst pain I had ever experienced. Worse than my c-section and worse than having my wisdom teeth pulled out which at the time I said was worse that the c-section. Every breath, every movement was excruciating.

But in the pain, I can reflect back and see the beauty too. I literally had to lean on my husband to get around. He had to bear my weight as my forehead rested on his chest and my arms clutched his. He moved as slowly as I had to and took me wherever I needed to go; patiently.

There is nothing more humbling than to have someone have to assist you in the bathroom. We drew the line at him having to wipe me though. Hey, I’m keeping it real here, folks, THAT was just not a bridge we were willing to cross. One day, maybe.

I finally had to go to the doctor’s on Tuesday. I’m on three different meds–an anti-inflammatory, a muscle relaxant, and a pain medication. If I take them, I’m useless. I feel loopy and literally SLEPT yesterday away. If I don’t, I’m in agonizing pain. I haven’t been able to work and that has been the worst part of it all. But I’ll also save that for another post.

I am not sure if there was a reason for this to happen. I mean, I know there is a reason for everything. But one thing I do know is the lesson on being humbled. You think you have your life in control; everything is going the way YOU want it to go…and then bam. You pull a back muscle and start spasming out of control. And God shows you, YOU do not have the power to control how your days go. Only I do.

Well, my current dosage is kicking in and before I start telling you all how much I LOVE YOU, MAN I’ll stop here.

Pray for healing of my back. And that Ivan never, ever, EVER has to wipe my bottom.

I don’t think I could take that kind of humbling.

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