good intentions, truth telling, and the point of it all.

429036_10151164959542187_426589363_nAh, yes.  Just like January 1 to have me sitting down at night and planning out the following day.  Only to pretty much not have any of anything prior to 9:00 A.M. actually happen.  I just couldn’t.  My body was so out of whack sleep-wise, that going to bed early was impossible and snoozing the alarm was just too easy.  And I think in my heart of hearts, I knew it wouldn’t happen.  But putting in on my calendar, in repeat mode, is my way of saying, “This is a goal.  This is what I need to do.”  And eventually I’ll get there.

The reason I want to get there is that I have long been convicted of my shortcomings.  And we all have them, and I realize sometimes we just beat ourselves up over ones that are very trivial.  But I can’t help but be weighed down by the guilt* of totally being the opposite of the Proverbs 31 woman (in many ways), especially v. 15: She rises while it is yet night.

Are you ready for an embarrassing confession?

My son has to wake me up.  Every weekday morning.

No bueno.

Somehow, sometime late last year, we got into this habit of hubby fixing him breakfast (when I used to do that) which allowed me to sleep later.  Hubby would leave and kiss me good-bye anticipating that was my cue to get up.  And yet…there I am continuing to snooze until my son has to come into the room and say, “Mom, it’s time to get up.”  Then I’m sprinting to pack his lunch (though I try to do as much as I can the night prior) and have just enough time to put on shoes and head out the door.  He’s at an age where he can get his clothes for himself (if I’m good, they are laid out) and knows the routine of washing up, brushing teeth, etc.  And yet, for months now I have felt that prick that this situation just isn’t right.

She rises while it is yet night.

My husband would not even eat breakfast if I got up to make it that early for him.  But a cup of coffee?  Sure.  And a few quiet moments with his wife?  Of course.  That is time we should be praying together.

And with my son…is that the legacy and memory I want to leave for him?  That mom slept in?  Is that what he will expect his future wife to do?

I try not to beat myself up.  I’m so good on the organizing and cleaning front, you would think I have it all together.  But I don’t.  And no one can say for sure that sleeping in after everyone else is awake is good or bad; right or wrong.  But it doesn’t sit well with me.  And once you’re convicted about something…well, you know how that goes.

See, there is a lot of things that weigh heavily on my heart that I would want to share but do not feel at liberty too out of respect for people involved.  Time will tell if those are ever areas I can penetrate through writing.  But the messy life stuff that just involves me?  That’s what I need to share.  And that’s what I want to share.  Because I know I can beat myself up.  And I know that I do a lot of things wrong.  But I also do things that aren’t half bad.  And that’s where you come in if you’re reading this.  You come alongside me, and I’ll come alongside you and maybe as we fumble through this crazy, beautiful life of being wives, mothers,…w o m e n…we won’t feel so alone.  I won’t feel so alone.

I’m going to reveal the nitty-gritty.  The not so beautiful and definitely not so perfect.

Yes, it’s true.  My son has to pry me out of my bed daily.

What motherhood secrets do you have {and want to change}?

{*Allow me to clarify that the Word of God should never weigh us down in guilt.  That is the flesh.  But when something pricks our heart, it is good to evaluate why we feel the way we do.  If we feel something is wrong, we have to change it.}

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