Learning from your spouse.

Last night, my hubby shared something with me and I’ve been meditating on it all morning.

I don’t know if it was meant to be kept private, but honey, it’s too good not to share. 🙂  I remain so encouraged by it.

We’re getting ready for bed and hubby says he wants to have a serious talk.

Uh-oh, I thought in my head.  Can’t I just go to sleep?

Hubby mentioned a men’s group he had attended the night before and there was a lot of talk on marriage.  And coupled with doing his own thinking, he had a lot of realizations.

We, and by we I mean I, are always saying how different we are.  And by “saying” I mean, I throw it in his face when the going gets tough.  It’s my go-to defense mechanism.

So here’s what hubby shared.  Those qualities that make us so different…well, those qualities are ones that God gave us.  And the good qualities one spouse has may be (or are usually) ones the other spouse is lacking.

My husband encouraged me by stating that more and more he sees qualities in me that he wished he possessed.  He is learning from me.  And that is a great perspective to have.

So that’s the encouragement I want to pass on to you, whether you are already married or one day will be.

God knows what he is doing when he joins two people together.  So on those days when you feel like you and your spouse are worlds apart; that you’ll never meet eye-to-eye, look for qualities in your spouse that you know you should possess.

For example, my husband has been encouraging me a lot lately on how he admires how I want to serve people.  I always want to help people out; I rarely say no to requests to be there for someone.  My hubby, on the other hand, doesn’t have that natural tendency to want to do that.  But maybe he needs to exercise that trait more.

And me?  Terrible with money.  So much better than I once was, but still with a mentality of “Why do it myself if I can pay someone to do it for me?”  So when my son was vomiting all over his bedroom carpet one day, my natural inclination was to run to the computer and buy a Groupon (See!  I can be conscious with saving money!) for a carpet-cleaning service.  But not my husband.  He went to the market, spent a couple of dollars on a carpet cleaner, and did it himself.  This past week, my lovely boys stepped all over dog poop and thinking it was mud wiped it all over the car mats.  I wanted to run to the car wash.  Hubby went outside and washed them himself.

(I think he has more of a servant’s heart than he realizes.)

So I see those qualities in my spouse and I want them to.

Sure, I’d love if my husband put dirty cups in the sink, but I value that he would rather read his Bible even if it means dishes stay dirty in the sink.

I’m sure my husband would love if there was a homemade meal waiting for him at the end of every work day, but I know he values my heart more than a fresh dinner if I’ve been out of the house all day helping at our son’s school.

It’s a give and take and instead of fighting against the things that makes us different, I can see it as God putting together two wonderful–very broken–but wonderful puzzle pieces that are meant to complement one another.

It’s NOT a bad thing to be different.  It’s a bad thing to allow those differences to cause tension and discontentment within your marriage.

So, again, I encourage you to see the qualities in your spouse that are opposite to your natural tendencies and see if you can learn from them.

Marriage is a partnership.  And going at life together will always be better than being disgruntled that your spouse is not just like you.

(Because “you” is probably not all that anyway. :))

I can focus on the things I don’t like about my spouse, or rather the things he does, or I can cherish the way God created him.  The unique traits that make him the person God designed for me to share life with.

And I can be grateful that God knew exactly what I needed.

Because only God could know the perfect person to balance out my type of crazy.

Be encouraged, friends.  God knows what he’s doing.  😉

With love,




One thought on “Learning from your spouse.

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