I’ve written about a visit to an OB/GYN’s office before on a blog that, sadly, was mistakingly deleted. I’ll go ahead an assume you’re okay with that.
But here we are again. And, if you one of my male friends, feel free to look away now.
Yesterday I went for my “annual” checkup along with a mirage of other blood work just to see where I am with my health.
I put annual in quotations because it had been four years since I went to an OB/GYN.
Why? Because I was embarrassed about my weight.
My former OB/GYN (and only former because we moved) was kind but always made remarks (not nasty, just observational) about my weight. Not that he didn’t have a right to! It just made me uncomfortable and sad.
Since I left the teaching profession and, thus, no longer needed an annual physical I have been able to avoid stepping on a scale at a doctor’s office. Because, of course, it’s so much easier to pretend our problems do not exist.
I’m in a place now of taking control of my health (and not giving way to excuses) and so the appointment was set.
It’s funny what God will choose to use as teachable moments. As I’m getting ready for the appointment yesterday morning, it dawned on me how the sin in my life relates to my weight.
It’s easy to try to ignore and pretend that everything is fine. The fact remains though, the problem is still there. And it’s hurting me. In fact, it could kill me.
Much like avoiding doctors who I knew would tell me a truth (One I already know, mind you!), I avoid telling my brothers and sisters in Chris of sin issues in my life. I avoid confessing it to God–a truth HE knows.
I do not have to step on a scale to know there is a problem. And I act like that toward sin–if I don’t say it out loud; if I don’t think about it…it does not mean God doesn’t know. Because, duh, he does.
It does not even have to be about sin. Perhaps it’s an emotional struggle or sadness or a difficult choice that needs to be made. The choice not to talk about it in order to not have to face being told what to do or have a wrong way of thinking pointed out is no different that the avoidance of stepping on a scale because I’m afraid of what I will see.
But I no longer want to be afraid. I want to step fully into the promises that I have been told.
And so I stepped on a scale yesterday and was pleasantly surprised at how far I have come since my heaviest weight. It felt good to see that lifestyle changes in regards to food and exercise have been, albeit slowly, paying off.
…for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. ~1 Timothy 4:8 ESV
While it is a great thing to remember my body is a temple that houses the Holy Spirit and therefore knowing what I put into it is important, it will never be more important than my spiritual growth. Physical exercise, the number that appears on a scale, and the inches I lose will never outweigh the importance of spiritual discipline and striving for a pure heart. I can exercise my brains out, but if I’m not putting even more time into reading my Word and building on my relationship with Christ it will all be for naught. After all, what will matter more when I stand before Him?
Yes, physical checkups are of great importance, but the spiritual checkups of my heart hold far greater–eternal–value.
I can look at the past decade and see the “weight I’ve lost” spiritually. It is not a pride I take in myself, because I know I did not do it. It is all of grace; I am such a different person than I was.
But I see the areas that still need work and a heart that has so much further to go.
I will no longer be afraid of physical checkups because the scale does not define me.
I will no longer be afraid to share my spiritual shortcomings because those failures do not define me either.