So, here’s the deal. This motherhood thing is not for the weak. We know that, and we all agree. I regularly swing on a pendulum of feelings…one minute I feel as though I’m on top of the motherhood world, the next I am swimming in a sea of mistakes, failures, and weariness.
Supermom…is there such a thing?
I wrote a blog months ago before my third little one was born (entitled, “When I Leave the Room”). I felt compelled to share parts of that blog, along with some additional recently developed thoughts.
Our days are riddled with statuses, articles, blogs, and more that try to tell us who to be as mothers. What is best for our children? What will make them the most healthy and successful as they grow? If you are anything like me , you regularly become overwhelmed with the need to be supermom.
And, what really does supermom look like? I don’t know that I have figured it out. But, through social media and the internet, the information with which we are inundated tries to convince us of their perception and understanding of supermom. We are desperately grasping at every trend – seeking to know how to be “the best mom we can be.”
Stay at home? Work from home? Eat healthy! Be green! Crafts, crafts and more crafts! 10 perfect discipline tools! Follow these 5 steps to make your kids genius’ before they enter kindergarten! Extracurricular activities are a must for the successful child. How to raise a happy child. 7 Signs your child loves you. And so much more!
I mean, really, these are just a few headlines. Slap “failure” on my forehead and take my children away. How can I be a supermom when there are some days that the last thing I am worried about is if my child is happy? Rather, it’s trying to keep myself from either locking them or myself in the closet. (Of course, I would never do either.) And let’s forget the eating healthy and going green, I hate to cook and love to take full advantage of my child’s love for Sonic.
Did you know that you can search “mother’s guilt” online, and come up with millions of results? Why? Because it is actually a common condition. We mothers are so hard on ourselves.
Imperfection and failure have often been my friends as I raise my three sweet children under 5yrs old. I nodded vigorously, I am sure along with thousands of other moms, when I saw the movie, “Mom’s Night out”. The main character battles these feelings of “not enough”. Yep, understand that.
I’m sorry if I got your hopes up, but despite my blog title, I do not know the perfect path to becoming a supermom. BUT, I am learning a few things. God has and continues to reveal truth to me in regards to this idea of supermom. These truths continue to bring peace, joy, and a much needed confidence to my journey of motherhood. Most of all, He is pulling me away from our society’s worldview of supermom. I have become very choosy about the magazines, articles, posts and more that I read or allow to penetrate my heart.
Here are the things I have learned, and am still learning…
Measure Yourself Against God’s Word
Proverbs 31 is a familiar passage of scripture that we use in reference to motherhood. But let’s read it closely; this Godly woman had many qualities. She worked outside of the home (GASP), she also worked inside of the home (GASP, really you can do both and still be a good mom?), she was filled with joy, strength, confidence, wisdom, intelligence and more. She was responsible and dependable. She was a woman chasing after God. She not only provided for her household, but she watched over the household.
Let me point out it says nothing about specifics…what she did to arrive at those results. Just simply that how she lived her life resulted in these qualities. I believe that God shows each of us individually what our “specifics” are and how we AS AN INDIVIDUAL can reach the result of the above qualities. And I also believe that it will come through God’s guidance, wisdom and His Word. NOT societies opinions…including those of your family and friends.
Love God, Be Healthy, and Take Care of Yourself
As a person of faith, I am confident about at least one thing that causes us to be supermom in our children’s eyes. That we love God with all of our heart, soul and mind. And that we do whatever is necessary to be healthy and balanced in our soul, mind, spirit and body (1 Thess 5:23). If we do these two things, I believe God will give us wisdom and strength to be the supermom HE has called us to be.
I recently ended a year long journey in counseling. And what began as a journey for grief recovery (for the loss of my mom and dad) has now turned into a healing of the depths of my soul. A need of healing that I could never have understood or known if God had not used his Holy Spirit to pair me with someone that professionally knew how to weave through the cobwebs of my soul. I asked God at the beginning to search my heart and show me what needed to be “made new”. Boy, did he.
There were many discoveries made. Amongst them was my need for perfection, my battle with mother’s guilt, and my major unrealistic self-imposed expectations. I also learned and accepted that my mom failed me in many ways, just the same as I have already failed, and will continue to fail my children. However, because of God’s grace these discoveries were game changers for me. I received the tools I needed to apply truth and operate in that truth, rather than operating in lies and unrealistic expectations. And hopefully, I will do my part to be balanced and healthy – so my children receive what I believe is the best mom. Only you and God know what you need to do to be healthy, but whatever it is, I encourage you to fight for health in all areas of your life.
Finally, take time to give yourself what you need to be rejuvenated and refreshed. Pamper yourself, celebrate the victories, and do things regularly just for you. Things that will bring you energy and life. For me, it is time alone, time for creativity, and time for working in ministry. Again, everyone is different, but discover what it is for you and fight for it.
Live in Grace
Give yourself grace. Receive God’s sweet grace. Move in and through it. In grace, you will find strength and joy to rise above failures, weariness, and uncertainty. Abandon self-imposed expectations, and clothe yourself in His grace. Know that you are “His beautiful work, created to do good things” (paraphrased from Ephes. 2:10). And each day as you simply love your children, you are doing great and beautiful work. Remember that “His grace is all you need, for His power works best in our weakness”. (2 Cor. 12:9)
I have included a video to the song, “When I Leave the Room” by Natalie Grant. I love it. It’s my heart. I have made already thousands of mistakes, but “when I leave the room” I leave my babies with Jesus and I do my best.
My mom made a million mistakes with me (I am sure yours did too), some small and some big. But one thing I can say about her is that “when she left that bedroom and entered eternity” she left me with a love and knowledge of a Heavenly Father that would carry me through. I remember sitting there with her the day she passed “fingers intertwined” – my heart crying out in pain. Yet, knowing she was leaving me with the faith I would need to continue on. She did the main things right, and I hope my children can say the same thing about me.
You can read more about Christan’s story and who she is by clicking here. She would love to hear about your ups and downs as a mom, and how God is giving you grace to not just survive – but THRIVE! Visit her blog at www.gracefindsme.com.
Email subscribers, click here: “When I Leave the Room” by Natalie Grant
Christan is my best friend’s sister, but to me I consider her a friend as well! I approached Christan because she is the mom to three very young children and I wanted to know what that was like. (Hint, not easy!) Her faith encourages me and I pray her words and blog will encourage you too. Thanks for sharing, Christan!