How did June creep up on me so quickly!? Well, it did. And though May is over, we’re going to keep on celebrating motherhood as I finish posting up a few blog entries from dear friends. Let’s pray I get them all up before Father’s Day!
Today’s guest post comes from one of my favorite women–my first pastor’s wife. Christina was a great friend, confidant, and mentor to me as not only a new Christian but as a new wife and mother. She amazed me with her calm demeanor though she carried the weight of ministry alongside her husband and, wait for it, five children. At the time, I didn’t know families that big existed anymore! I’m excited to share her encouraging words with you. Thanks, Christina!
I purposely have not read the other blog entries because I didn’t want to put expectations on myself for what this needs to be. I also hoped that if I repeat what anyone else has said it will be from God, an exclamation point of sorts. I’m looking forward to catching up on the previous entries!
This kind of sums up “Motherhood” for me: expectations.
Expectations: what are mine of myself, my husband’s expectations of me, my children’s expectations, my church’s, and God’s expectations of me? That’s heavy.
I have 5 children. The oldest is 23 and the youngest just had her 11th birthday. My oldest, Jessica, and youngest, Julia, are girls. There are three boys in between – Jonathon, Joshua and Josiah. I love the newborn – 2 years stage. I had birth and breastfeeding down pat. There may be people who adopt 5 kids at once or in a short period of time or the few families on TV that have multiples. I can’t imagine going from no children to 5 or having one and then birthing 4 at once making an automatic family of 5. Phew! In my average case, it was one at a time. Managing those ages and stages have to be lived one day at a time but also lived with the future in mind.
My struggle with expectations has brought me to a place of casting aside all others and asking God, “What do YOU expect?” His reply is what we all long for: “Love me.” Encapsulated in that is also “Let me love you and love others through you.” Don’t you love HUGS? Maybe there are the few that have difficulties with touch and resist the intimacy of a hug, but overall I think we generally love HUGS. What I like most about it is that when you give one, you almost always get one back. As I focus on being aware of His Presence throughout my day, loving God and receiving His love for me, then loving my family and “doing” all the mom-things for them become an expression of love and not just an expectation of duty to perform.
My expectations of myself, by the way, are usually an unrealistic conglomeration of all the ‘best mom’ attributes of all my friends, acquaintances and maybe even TV moms, Martha Stewart and Food Network stars, all wrapped up into what I think is who I should be. As I surrender that and focus on Jesus and pleasing Him, I find that I can navigate around all the other expectations.
“Focus” is the word for me this year. Haphazard living doesn’t yield a fruitful life. In the stages of nursing babies and toddlers, I had to have structure but bend with the unexpected. During the school years, structure is forced upon me and there is a rhythm to the weeks. With a large family, I have had years with kids in 3 different schools. “Life happens” and in the chaos, I have often lived by the urgent with my only focus on survival. However, I can look back and know that through it all, I have and continue to live with a focus – pleasing God. And He smiles on me and on you, too.
To wrap it up, in this newest stage of parenting (letting children grow up and go away), there is one HUGE thing I learned: “new level, new lie” or some say “new level, new devil”. What do I mean? Well when my oldest was graduating high school, I thought “I’ve finally learned how to do this thing called life.” I was confident in my relationship with God and aware of the destructiveness of the enemy of our souls. What took me by surprise was that the enemy came from a different angle, found a weak spot and took on a new lie. When my oldest got engaged, I began to think, “She doesn’t need me anymore. Her husband’s family is better for her than we are.” I started to agree with those and other negative thoughts and for 3 weeks or so I was being tormented.
Then it hit me, “THESE WERE LIES FROM THE PIT”.
It was like a veil was removed and I saw where these thoughts we coming from. I immediately repented and began to cut off the plans and schemes of the enemy in prayer. God is faithful and my relationship with my daughter is close and strong.
I could have filled this blog with scriptures and believe me, I have many favorites. I love this definition of the GRACE of God – His ability to do in and through me what I could never do in my own strength. That’s Motherhood.
Christina Dzindzio (aka Mom, Chrissy, Sis, Mrs. D, pastor’s wife)
I’m married to a man of God – Timothy Dzindzio. We both graduated from Zion Bible Institute in 1987 and have been married 26 years. Our journey: we have served as youth pastors for over a decade, Senior Pastors in Pelham Bay, Bronx, NY for 7 years, Master’s Commission director in NJ, lived in Louisiana for 3 years and currently pastoring in Rhode Island.